While I’m Handing out Awards

While I’m Handing out Awards

If gray hair is caused by stress, as some would imply, then the award for outstanding performance in causing the most gray on my head goes to . . . drum roll please . . . My Ex-Sister-In-Law!

(Applause, applause)

Yes, after nearly 14 years of being part of our family and birthing my brother’s four children, she decided to trade in the ho-hum life of happily ever after for the ” ‘hoe, hmmm? ” life of flavor of the month.  Unfortunately she and her newest “special friend” cannot be here in person tonight to accept this award because they are otherwise engaged in doing “special friend” activities on the couch in the living room.  You know, that room that children are wont to wander in to and out of at any given time.

In addition to her ?stellar? public performance which had an audience of more people than it should have had, we’d also like to recognize her accomplishments in mud-slinging.  We know it took years of hard work and preparation in order for her to scream at my brother the following insult: (roll clip)  “Oh yeah, well your family is just good with words!”

(Applause, applause)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we don’t know where we found her, but since meeting her our lives have never been the same.  She is, undoubtedly, headed for a life-time achievement award.

And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt will say hello as soon as he finishes scrubbing his brain.

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