December 14, 2006
In the dark, sweaty depths of a clamoring Chinese factory, they were forged — born at the hands of humble day-laborers who could not possibly know the power of their creations:
Placebo Pig and his sidekick Angus the Apothecary
O.k., truthfully, Angus doesn’t have a lot of power right now. He will be taking a trip back to the Mighty Middleman Megalith of distribution, a.k.a. the Hall of Capitalism, to have his . . . ummm . . . powers honed.
Placebo Pig, however, has been fighting stuffy noses, croupy coughs, and hypochondria at a dizzying pace. If you look closely at his ears you can see the Cool Mist of Magic spraying upward, humidifying our air and curing our clan.
When it sounds like your children are trying to cough up sand and gravel you, as a mother, tend to think something needs to be done. So, armed with a gift card from an ex-step-father-in-law I’ve never really met, I sacrificed my chance to buy something splurgy for myself in favor of purchasing two humidifiers for my children who have been sniffling and snorfing what sounds like glass in our dry winter air, which is made even drier by our electric heat. That is when I found our superheroes.
No sooner had I returned home from the Hall of Capitalism with our new friends than L~’s cough became markedly worse.
“Hack, hack, (forced)cough, (exaggerated)hack. Mom, when are you going to put the (uh, uh, cough) humidifier thing in our room? Oh, look, it’s a pig!!!” Much jumping up and down and, yes, squealing, ensued.
As we did not immediately run the pig up the stairs, fill it with water, plug it in and turn it on, the coughing eventually returned. After putting all the kids to bed, the coughing became so bad one would think we should take her to a doctor before she hyperventilated or lost a lung, or both. One, however, has not been L~’s parent for seven years. Husband and I have, so we knew better.
No sooner did husband walk into the bedroom, gingerly carrying the now-water-laden pig, than the coughing ceased. Immediately. The porker had yet to be plugged in. And that is when we confirmed the amazing powers of (cue echo) Placeeeeeeebooooo Piiiiiiiiigggggggg.
In L~’s defense, she really does have a cough. It’s just not as life-threatening as she wanted us to believe.
And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt says hello (even though he’s feeling a little put out by the presence of superhero farm animals).