Since I have some time now, and since I don’t think I’ve ever really shared it here before, I thought I would elaborate on my last post and share our adoption story. I don’t know if anyone is really interested in it, and it doesn’t do anything to add to the apology in the last post, but here it is.
First, in case you didn’t know, which you maybe didn’t since I don’t talk about it a lot on my blog, I believe in God. I know there is a God and I know He communicates with us when needed. Sometimes that communication is subtle, and sometimes it is much more direct, but we are not left to walk through life alone and directionless, if we listen. I’m not trying to be preachy, I’m just giving you the back story for the rest of the story.
Eleven years ago to the month, McH and I became engaged. Very shortly after that I had . . . hmmm . . . an experience. I’m not comfortable sharing the details here, so I’ll just leave it at that; however, just to clarify and reassure, I did not then, nor do I now, hear voices. Unless someone in my vicinity is talking.
So I had an experience, and I knew that McH and I would have three girls. I told him this and, of course, he took a wait and see attitude. Long story short, over the course of the next six years I gave birth to three girls. We planned to be finished bringing children into our family at that point.
Within days after coming home from the hospital with my newly born Midge I had another experience. This time I knew that two boys were to come into our family via adoption. I told McH about the experience, but tried to dismiss it. After all, I was on some pretty good drugs following the emergency c-section I’d just had, so surely that was the major contributing factor to this experience. But it wasn’t, and I knew it. I just could not shake the feeling that we weren’t done.
McH, at this point, had just learned to trust my “experiences.” He did question the adoption component since we are still able to have biological children, but I knew that was not what we were supposed to do. We spent the next year and a half or so discussing, debating and praying over the idea of adopting. We had not ruled it out, but we also, up to that point, had not felt the need to really do anything about it. Then, you guessed it, I had another experience.
It was time. It was September, 2004. It. Was. Time. But, for us, it was not a good time. We had “sold” our previous home on land contract (bad advice from a bad realtor) and the people had trashed the house and bailed. We were bleeding money from the wrists to get that house back in shape so that we could put it on the market and, without a doubt, lose money on it. If it even sold. Despite this, we began researching adoption options. We began contacting agencies and gather brochures and talking to people.
Miraculously, we sold the house that November. Our savings was completely depleted. We had no idea how we were going to pay for an adoption, but we knew we should move forward. Being so close to the holidays, we decided we would officially begin the adoption process after the first of the year. In the meantime, we talked with the private domestic agency we assumed we would use and we realized it was not the way we were supposed to go. We talked with our county agency. We even went to one of the adoption classes they required for those who adopt through them. For many, many reasons, we realized that was not the way for us to go.
So we began looking into international adoption. We came to the conclusion that that was the way we were supposed to go, even though we had no money. We chose an agency and, after the holidays, we began the homestudy process to adopt from Guatemala. Again, we realized we were heading in the wrong direction. The social worker was supposed to come back a week after the first visit, but before that next appointment we had decided we were supposed to adopt from South Korea.
We had to switch to a different agency than the one we had originally chosen and we had to switch social workers. I don’t like sudden changes like that, so I was a bit unnerved, but we did it. Within about 2.5 months we had a completed homestudy submitted to our agency and, within a couple of weeks after that, we had our referral for Tank Boy. Tank Boy, who was born in September 2004.
While other parts of my life began falling apart — my grandfather’s cancer returned and he began the slow process of succumbing, and my brother’s marriage imploded — Tank Boy’s adoption came together, despite the problems with the agency, quickly. The money we needed appeared rather unexpectedly, we found several families in our area who also had adopted or were adopting from Korea, and within six months of first signing with that agency, we had him in our arms.
Soon after I was reading up on different agencies, researching different countries, and stalking Rainbow Kids in preparation for our next adoption. We had to wait 8 months after Tank Boy came home before we could finalize his adoption (several months required by the state and a few more tacked on to the end because that’s just what that agency did), but I wanted to be ready to move ahead as soon as we finalized. McH wasn’t exactly in my camp for a while, but soon after finalizing he was ready.
That was last spring. Just about a year ago. We chose our agency. We chose our program. We switched our program. We waited until the school year was over, and then we began the homestudy and paper chase.
The process this time is obviously taking longer. Once again, however, the needed funds have shown up unasked for and unexpectedly. The wait is difficult, but we deal with it because we know we are on the right path.
Do I believe that God fates women to give birth to babies which they, for whatever reason, will not be able to parent? No. But I do believe He knows which babies will be placed for adoption, and I believe that God, who knows when even a sparrow falls, knows where those babies need to go from there.
That is our story. I can’t wait to write the ending. Well, the ending of the adopting part, anyway. The adoption part, along with the family part, will never end.
And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt says hello.