It was a year ago this month that I first set up this blog. At that time I wrote a corny haiku about spring and allergies and wanting to shove a rake down my throat in order to more effectively address the unbearable itching. A few days later I deleted that post and didn’t write anything again for a couple of months. I am reminded of it now because oh. my. word. Does anybody have a rake?!?
In other spring news: As you may remember, I was a bit miffed a couple of weeks ago that the freezing temperatures and snow had killed my cherry blossoms, tulips, and creeping phlox. Well, the cherry blossoms are officially kaput, but I present you with photo evidence of my Resurrection Tulips and Phlox (which are, of course, flanked by The Weeds of Immortality and some overgrown daffodils).
Granted, these are not the most beautiful tulips ever, but give them a break folks, they seemingly came back from the dead.
Of course, this means other things survived as well.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll post a picture of The Crabapple Tree of Great Beauty and Annoyance.
In the meantime, here is a link I got in an email today. Somewhat humorous, and just goes to prove that we will watch anything if it is set to the right music.
Adoption news: there isn’t any. However, I did have an adoption nightmare last night, so I guess the waiting is starting to get to me. Basically, in the dream, our agency decided it currently had too many families in it’s Vietnam program, so they decided to drop about a half dozen or so. Just give them the boot. So I call the agency number to listen to a pre-recorded message in which some guy lists off the names of the families. We were, of course, the very first family on the list. Needless to say, I was bawling uncontrollably, completely confused as to why they would drop us out of the program rather than, say, families who still don’t have their dossiers done. Why?!? So I call and speak to our coordinator who doesn’t really have a good answer other than “That is just the way it worked out.” As I’m talking to her on the phone I am also going through email and reading posts by people on our agency Vietnam adoption Yahoo! group, and I find out that just hours earlier they referred a little boy to a different family. What?!?!? We’ve been waiting for a boy since early September and you give them the boy and give us the old heave ho? So, at this point in the dream, I am sobbing and trying not to so that I can threaten the agency with my army of lawyers and a lawsuit that will shut them down forever, and the coordinator just says, “Well, you never know about cases like that. Sometimes they work out in our favor, but sometimes they would work out in your favor, so you just need to do what you think is best.” More disbelief, more sobbing, blood pressure going through the roof, then Midge, who had earlier crawled in bed with us for real, thrust her head into my side and woke me up. Thank goodness. I was so grateful to find it was all just a dream, and Midge’s feet were up McHusband’s nose, not mine.
One more non-news adoption related story and then I’ll let you go for the day (because I know I’m just so captivating you can’t stop readying until I stop writing).
McH has a co-worker, we’ll call him Bubba. Generally speaking, you don’t find too many Bubbas in IT departments, but McH has an underling IT co-worker who we are going to call Bubba.
Bubba is a really nice fella. Seriously, really, really nice, very friendly, quite personable, and everyone at work likes him. It is a mystery, since everyone knows he is not exactly competent at his job, and everyone knows that he is tactless and uncouth. He was recently overheard having a phone conversation with an IT vendor:
Shop talk, technical mumbo jumbo, shop talk, more IT crap I really don’t get and therefore can’t accurately recount here . . .
Head nodding . . .
Shop talk. . .
Head nodding “Hmmm . . . . Mmmm hmmm . . . So, what are you wearing?”
But that is mild Bubba-speak, really. It is not uncommon for him to be talking to a female co-worker (any female co-worker) and say (and I am not making this up):
“Hey, you look really good today. Are those real or did you have some work done over the weekend?”
And everybody loves him. Go figure.
So it was not surprising when Bubba asked McH about adoption progress that his question went like this:
“So, what? Now you’re just waiting for your agency to take someone’s kid away from them and give it to you, right? Then what, you just pay them for the baby and you’re done, right?”
Yep, Bubba, that’s exactly right. As soon as the kidnappers deliver the goods we’ll hand them the briefcase with the payoff. What you left out, however, because we’re really keeping this part under wraps, is that as they try to leave with the money we are going to shoot the tires out of their car (we’ll use a silencer on the gun, of course), thereby making the car careen into the bay (because we have lots of those in the Midwest). While I speed home with the child, McH will slip, unnoticed, into his scuba gear and retrieve the money from the car. This will also give him the chance to make sure the kidnappers are truly drowning, because we wouldn’t want them to escape unharmed and come after us later for the money. Oh, and McH will be wearing a suit under the scuba gear, so when he resurfaces and takes the wetsuit off he’ll be able to just casually stroll away with the briefcase. His hair is very short, so it will dry before anybody even notices it’s wet. And we’ve had the briefcase specially designed with a water tight outer shell that McH can just pop off when he presses his thumb on a hidden biometric scanner. The case inside the case will be perfectly dry, so it’s not like he’ll be walking down the street with wet hair and a wet suitcase. He will be totally inconspicuous. We are brilliant.
Just, you know, don’t share any of this with the kidnappers, o.k. Bubba? There’s a six-pack in it for ya if ya keep yur mouth shut. Oh, and by the way, I think Susie in accounting took a three day weekend last week. You might want to go see if she had some work done.
And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt says hello.