Wanna Get Fat?

August 01

Wanna Get Fat?

So the other day I listed some of my favorite snacks and said I might post the recipes.  Well, here they are, starting with the easiest first:

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies
1 spice cake mix (any brand)
1 vanilla cake mix (any brand)
1 big can of pumpkin (20 oz. maybe?  they come in two sizes, just get the big one)
1-2 cups of chocolate chips (really, however much you want)

Preaheat oven to 350-375 (I’m a really exact cook, can’t you tell?).  Put both cake mixes and the whole can of pumpkin into a mixing bowl and mix thoroughly.  Don’t add all the eggs and oil and crap the cake mix boxes tell you to add to make cake, just the dry mixes and the pumpkin.  Add chocolate chips and mix a little more.  Drop by spoonfuls onto baking sheets.  Bake 15 minutes or so.  Eat one from the first batch as soon as humanly possible so you know if the second batch needs to bake a little longer.

Grandma Sparhawk’s Oatmeal Cookies
(and yes, that really is my grandmother’s last name, but she’s passed on, so it’s not like you’re going to hunt her down and find her, and your chances of figuring out who I am through her last name are infinitesimal, and I really want her to have the credit for these cookies).

1 ½ c. sifted flour
½ tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
2 c. brown sugar
1 c. shortening
2 eggs (or substitute with 2 heaping Tbs. of Marzetti’s Fat Free Carmel Apple Dip — my secret is out)
1 tsp. vanilla
3 c. quick cooking oats
Powdered sugar

Sift flour, salt, baking powder, and soda together
Cream brown sugar and shortening.  Add eggs,
vanilla, and beat well.  Sift in dry ingredients and oats.
Chill.  Form into balls the size of a walnut.
Roll in powdered sugar.  Bake 375° for 10 minutes.
Try to eat just one.  Hah!  You can’t!

E.’s Christmas Fudge (because I usually only make it around the holidays)
3 sticks butter
6 cups sugar
1&1/3 cup rice milk (or regular milk if dairy doesn’t make you wish you were dead)
1 (12oz) package semisweet chocolate chips
6 oz. milk chocolate chips
3 Tbs. cocoa
1 (7&1/2 oz.) jar marshmallow cream
1/3 of 10.5 oz. bag of mini marshmallows
2/3 cup powdered sugar (give or take)
2 tsp. vanilla

Mix butter, sugar and milk (type product) in huge pot on stove top (probably on medium high or so).  Bring to full, rolling boil, stirring constantly.  Continue boiling for five full minutes (set your timer once the the full, rolling boil starts).  Remove from heat after the five minutes are up.  Stir in chips until melted.  And remaining ingredients and mix well.  Pour into a 9×13 pan that has been sprayed with non-stick spray.  Don a truss and then move the pan to a cool location to speed the cooling of the fudge which you will want to eat until you puke.  It is that good.

And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt says you are missing out on some tasty goodies!

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