In The News . . . What?

August 20

In The News . . . What?

My absolute best high school teacher was my American History teacher.  He would start each class by sitting on his stool in the front of the room and saying, “In the news . . . what?”  We would then tell him what we knew was going on in the national news.  Or the state or local news if it was really good.  He would always manage to find a way to relate the current events to whatever historical period we were currently studying in his class, and it would make history come alive.  He was pretty amazing.  He would also argue about current political happenings and let us, nay encourage us, to argue back.  I enjoyed nothing more than pitting my conservative arguments against his liberal ones and, occasionally, leaving him speechless.  Stumped.  It was great.  I think he loved it as much as we did when one of us could paint him into a corner like that. 

So, anyway, have you ever had anything you wanted to blog about, just because your blog is the closest thing to a journal that you keep, but that thing in and of itself just wasn’t enough for an entire blog post?  Right.  So on those days, I think I’ll just start with:

In the news . . . what?

1.  We saw the golden frogs at the zoo again.  They still look like little plastic toys that aren’t meant to move.  The only reason I know that they do indeed move is because none of them looked like they were having boring sex this time (so somebody moved).  Though apparently one of them was in the mood.  I read on the little orange frog informational plaque that they wave their arms (presumably very, very slowly) when they want to attract a mate.  As I was pushing the stroller away from the frogs and on to the next animal, A~ came running after me:  “Mom!  Mom!  One of the frogs was waving its arms!  They do move!”  So, one of those little plastic looking things was actually an action toy.  Or, at least, it was a wants-some-action toy.

2.  Speaking of A~, I picked up a copy of the American Girl The Care and Keeping of You book at a book swap.  It’s one of those “soon you’ll get boobs and a period” books.  She’s about to turn 10, so I figured now was as good a time as any for a free “soon you’ll get boobs and a period” book.  Gah.  Now she’s on official Chest Watch.  She’s convinced they’re growing.  I told her to look at her mom and not get too hopeful.  For those who know me in real life or who have seen my photo blog, two syllables:  pad-ding.  Well, there was too much information.

3.  Who knew that my experience actually giving birth would come in handy when potty training my son?  We’ve pretty much got the number one thing mastered, as long as we remind him to go potty.  For the number two thing, however, he needs a little extra encouragement, so I often find myself sitting in the bathroom with a smile on my face and, in an excited and encouraging tone, saying, “Come on, you can do it!  You can do it!  Push!  Push!  Push push push push push!”  Believe me, I’m really not all that excited about sitting in the bathroom coaching and almost-three-year-old to push.  The things we do as parents.

4.  McH has been having some bothersome lower back pain for a while now.  The memory foam mattress topper pretty much got rid of mine, but hasn’t helped his one bit.  So, tonight, he was talking to a sports medicine guy that’s in his martial arts class.  Said sports medicine guy told McH his problem is that his glutes are too tight relative to his back and other muscles.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!  For how many years have I been telling McH that he could crack walnuts with his butt because he is such a tight a . . . ahem!?!?  Sweet vindication.

5.  Speaking of people who would be a lot more comfortable if they would just pull the corn cob out of their sun-doesn’t-shine-there place, I have news of the Sperm Donor (aka my father-in-law).  If McH can crack walnuts, this man can bend steel bars.  I am so glad he didn’t contribute much to the actual parenting of  my husband.  As you may or may not remember, he decided we were dead after George W. was re-elected (because, obviously, that was all our fault).  He cut off contact with us, but continued to send birthday and Christmas cards to our girls.  Not our son, just our girls.  Again, as you may or may not remember, we contacted him last birthday season to thank him for remembering his granddaughters but ask him to either acknowledge all of his grandchildren or none of them.  He sent nothing for Christmas, so we assumed that was that.  Then he sent Midge a birthday card with some money for her birthday (poor kid is the only member of the family, so far, not born in the family birthday season).  Hmmm . . . what to do, what to do.  We did nothing.  Well, I don’t think we have to worry about any further anything from him.  It seems he made quite a point of telling his brother that he has changed his will and is leaving everything to one of his niece’s children.  Niiiiiiice.  This would be the niece he frequently referred to as “knocked up” and “tramp”  so it’s not like he’s throwing his capital that direction out of great love or fondness for anyone.  No, it’s just out of spite.  Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t banking on his money or anything (even though we were in the will for a while, anyway), nor were we expecting it, nor were we hoping he would suddenly grow a heart just so our kids would have a chance to inherit it.  No, we’d pretty much figured out a while ago that we were no longer in the will, and that is his choice and he absolutely has the right to make it.  But I will never understand him as long as I live.  And he will never understand what he is missing by cutting his grandchildren out of his life (and by that I do mean his life, not his will).

6.  I bought a dish drainer today.  We really are going to try to live without the dishwasher for a while.  Maybe we’ll get a new one for Christmas.  Unless, of course, the hand washing drives us to madness and we start chucking knives at one another rather than joking around and having fun, pleasant conversations.

Well, there is the news.  I’m sure you have by now noticed the conspicuous absence of adoption news.  That would be because the dip wad orphanage director who needs to sign off on the last document decided to take a trip to Hanoi without first signing anything.

O.k., 15 points to Traci for hitting the nail on the head about the ropes on my blog.  5 points to Jenn for getting it in a more round about way.  Also, 4 points to Laurie because there were days last week when strangling someone sounded like a viable tension reliever, and 7 points to E. for the beverage-out-the-nose guess about tying up Blue Barb.  In my next post I shall address Traci’s questions about Big Love and polygamy (unless, of course, someone comes back from Hanoi and picks up a pen).

And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt says hello.

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