Last week it seems I couldn’t sneeze or belch without writing about it. I’m pretty sure I posted five days in a row last week (twice on one day). Of course, we did get our referral last week, so I suppose it’s understandable.
This week, however, I’ve barely poked my nose into the world of blogs (mine or anyone else’s). I’ve been busy as a one-armed paper hanger.
Really? Am I mixing my metaphors there? Because it just doesn’t make sense that a one-armed paper hanger would be busy. I mean, who would hire a person with one arm to hang their wallpaper? It’s not that I have anything against people with only one arm (though I do detest wallpaper, but purely from a removal standpoint), but paper hanger just doesn’t seem like a wise career choice, all things considered.
Anyway, birthday season is upon the E. household, and I’ve been very busy. Mostly, I suppose, I’ve been spending us into the poorhouse; but somebody wants a big birthday party this weekend, so I’ve been busy, busy, busy.
I guess I should explain: in our family every child can have a birthday party with family only every year. Big Birthday Bashes involving friends can only occur on the years one turns five, eight, ten, thirteen, sixteen, and eighteen. After that, one is so on one’s own when it comes to Big Birthday Bashes involving friends. I guess I should also explain that when I say “Big Birthday Bash” and “spending us into the poorhouse” I am, once again, hyperbolizing. There will be no traveling petting zoo, no clowns, no ice sculptures, no caterers, etc. Heck, if there were professionals involved, I wouldn’t be so busy. I’ll fill you all in on party details once birthday season has wrapped up in December.
I so shouldn’t even be writing anything right now. I have soooooo much to do, plus we are supposed to be going camping tonight. I know, like that makes any sense, the day before a Big Birthday Bash. Gah.
But, in the event life doesn’t slow down anytime soon, I figured this little project I’ve had in the back of my head for a while would be perfect to try now:
I want to conduct a survey on gender selection in adoption.
See, I’ve been wondering for a long, long, long time (ever since we adopted Tank Boy) about the disparity in gender selection in adoption.
WAIT! WAIT!!!! Don’t roll your eyes and grunt and click to someone else’s blog. I’m NOT judging anyone, nor am I trying to have a big discussion/debate on the issue. I’m just trying to see if we can’t all work together to see if we can come up with some kind of real answer(s) to the question: Why do more PAPs request girls than boys?
So, here is what I’m asking: I will pose some questions and I would like all of you to answer them honestly and with precise brevity. You can answer them in the comments section if you really want, or you can email me privately. If you know other folks who have adopted, whether internationally or domestically, ask them to answer the questions as well. I don’t care what country the PAPs have adopted or are adopting from, since the “girl phenomenon” seems to apply across the board. Also, if any adoption professionals are out there reading this, I would love to hear your observations and opinions on this subject. This means the professionals don’t need to answer the specific questions I will be posing, but can share anecdotal evidence, which will be compiled separately from the PAPs’ responses.
All responses will be kept anonymous.
Again, please really think about your answers and make sure they are honest and as brief as possible. For example, if you have requested a specific gender because you feel God has called you to do that, then just tell me that. I don’t need all the details of how or why you feel God called you to that. If you have always wanted to have a girl to dress up in cute clothes, that’s fine. Just tell me that. I don’t need the brand names or directions to the boutiques. Make sense?
Again, let me stress that I am not judging anyone and you don’t need to defend yourself to me. We, ourselves, requested gender both times, so I have no room to judge. I’m just curious, and trying to see if we can’t discover some kind of underlying trend or impetus or something.
I won’t be posting anything new for a bit so that this post will stay at the top. I hope to get enough responses to make this worthwhile and, assuming I do, will compile the results into some kind of graph or something and post my findings here once I’ve got it all together. If it looks like I’m not going to get enough participation I will let you know and call the whole thing off. O.K.? Also, if you have adopted more than once, or are in the process for another adoption, please answer the questions separately for each adoption (no matter how many). You can answer these questions if you have completed an adoption and/or if you have all paperwork completed in which you would select a gender or not.
1. Did you request a specific gender in your adoption? (If no, you’re done — thanks for your time).
2. Which gender did you select?
3. Why did you decide to request the gender you selected? (if more than one reason, please list them in descending order of importance, with the first being the most important or influential reason for your decision).
4. Why did you decide to exclude the other gender as a possibility? (again, if more than one answer, list them in descending order).
Again, please keep responses as brief, precise, and as honest as possible. You don’t have to defend yourself, because no one is judging you. I’m just trying to see if we can get a valid sense of why this disparity exists. Plain and simple.
If you rethought your decisions later and now think, “Well, if I could go back, I’d do it differently,” that’s fine, but it really has no bearing on anything here. I want to know why you chose what you chose, and not that you’d do it differently now.
I know I try not to take life too seriously on the blog here, but this is something I am trying to do in all seriousness. We can debate the ethics behind gender selection until we are blue in the face, but it doesn’t help us discover why the disparity exists. I’d rather try to discover that than debate the ethics right now.
So, off you go. My email link is at the top of the left column on the blog. Cut and paste the questions, answer them, and spread the word among other adoption communities if you want. The more response we get, the more valid this little “study” will be.
And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt is about to give up.