March 8, 2008
Dear Mr. Former Vice President,
I know when you didn’t win the presidential election you had to find something to do with your new-found free time. For reasons I can’t fathom, taking up the “cause” of global warming obviously buttered your toast and filled said free time.
Here is my “globally warmed” Midwestern life as of about five minutes ago when I braved the elements and threw open some windows and a door to get the evidence:
Our Vehicles. Obviously, the emissions from my Suburban (on the left, thank you — and no, mom, it’s not a van) have warmed my neighborhood drastically.
Phullabaloney Fill’s house. Thank goodness no one needs any answers today. I mean, the news would obviously be good, but I don’t think Mr. Fill would come out to prove it. And if he did? Well, I wouldn’t want to be around for that verbal torrent.
Our mail box. There might be mail in there from yesterday, but we don’t know. We don’t know if the mail carrier made it, and we haven’t yet wanted to go out in the unrelenting snow and wind to check. We are just glad we made it home alive yesterday.
The snow and ice hanging over the edge of my roof, as seen by hanging out my bedroom window. I really wish there was some blue sky or something to contrast the whiteness of the snow and maybe make the icicles stand out a bit, even sparkle. But no, thanks to global warming, my whole world right now is gray, cold and blustery.
Granted, March snow is not completely unheard of in this part of the country, but it is a tad unusual, especially in these amounts. Much like last year’s globally warmed April snow, this is unexpected and disappointing, not to mention inconvenient and a tad depressing.
Mr. Former Vice-President, you have done an excellent job getting your message out to the the media, the Hollywood elite, and, consequently, the unsuspecting and overly trusting American public. Now maybe you need to concentrate your efforts on getting a memo through to Mother Nature, because she’s making you look like a bigger weenie than I already thought you were.