Whazzle?

Since we moved — and just to be clear, we live on the outskirts of a town that is at least 20 miles outside of Radiator Springs — we have broken down and gotten satellite television.  We figured it was either that or nothing, in a very absolute way; and when you live this far out there isn’t much to do for entertainment (have I mentioned that one of the more or less anchor stores in the Radiator Springs mall is Dollar Tree?), so we didn’t think we could actually go t.v. free.

Anyway, now that we have satellite t.v. (the cheapest package, of course) new vistas have opened up for us.  For example:

BYUTV — The twice  yearly internet church (General Conference) is now officially television church in our household!  Yay!  No more dropped connections during a particularly interesting or inspirational talk.  You wouldn’t believe the amount of bandwidth we Mormons suck up during General Conference

iCarly — How did we survive all these years without a bunch of seventh-graders  yelling into our family room?  Happy, mad, surprised, sad, hungery, tired, it doesn’t matter what the emotion is these young “actors” are supposed to be portraying, they yell.  Always.  iHateThem.

Yo Gabba Gabba — For the love of all that’s holy.  Were the makers of this show stoned?  Would I enjoy it more if I were stoned?  How did Elijah Wood’s career tank this badly?  I actually heard once that Yo Gabba Gabba was the brain-child of some former BYU students.  Initially I had a hard time believing this, knowing that chances were very slim that they would have been drunk at the time, but then I remembered my own years at BYU and some of the ideas my friends and I came up with while perfectly sober, so anything is possible I suppose.

Do It Yourself Channel — The things I can do with just paint!!!!!!!!!!  And bird baths that can be converted to bistro tables in a matter of seconds!!!!!!  Who would’ve thought?

Dora the Explorer —  Gag.  Puke.  Vomit.  And the inspiration for this post to begin with.  For some inexplicable reason (perhaps that I feel like I’m getting the flu) I’m letting those who want to watch Dora the Ginormous-headed Explorer.

Anyway, I was just standing precariously (a bit dizzy, you see) in my kitchen (which I will post pictures of one of these days because it is so much nicer than my last kitchen) making cookies (because if I am getting the flu I won’t feel like eating for a few days, so might as well inhale snickerdoodles now) when I heard a plaintive, “Mommy!”

By three in the afternoon I’ve usually heard all of the plaintive, whiny, screamed, bellowed, and otherwise-kid-intoned “Mommy!”s that I can reasonably take for one day.  So I heard this plaintive calling of my title, felt my skin crawl, and, with an Oscar worthy appearance of calm,  looked to see who needed me.

It was a whizzle, or wizzle, or something like that.  I didn’t really sit and watch the show to see what was going on, but apparently Dora was going to help this little wizzle thing find it’s mom and dad.

Wizzle?  Really?!?  Now who’s stoned?  I only ever took French in school, but isn’t whizzle Spanish (or hip-hop?) for “what drunk men do on the street corner or side of a building so that their bladders don’t explode”?  The darned thing was even yellow.

Maybe I misheard Dora the Androgynous Explorer.  Maybe it was a fizzle.  Sure would be nice if the show did a quick fizzle.  Then Dora and Elijah could do the Puppet Master together on Yo Gabba Gabba and we’d all have to go into hiding for only one half hour each day (okay, an hour since I can’t figure out a way to get iCarly back into this scenario).

And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt says please don’t raise your knee, or your other knee, or your foot, or your other foot, and whizzle in his pond.

7 thoughts on “Whazzle?

  1. Dude. Don’t go badmouthing the Yo Gabba Gabba gang…they’ve been our saviors, our blessed reprieve through many a sickly-kiddo TV marathon. And we’ve learned many valuable lessons — it ISN’T ok to bite our friends! Veggies DO want to join the party in our tummy!

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  2. heehee. We’re big Yo Gabba Gabba fans! You really do get sucked into it after awhile. I should post video of Chloe doing her “cool trick.” And really I’d take Yo Gabba Gabba over Doodlebops any day.

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  3. You crack me up with that whole big head Dora thing. Kan loves her too… he calls the whole show “Boots” though. I guess you can guess he really likes the monkey- er, or maybe the monkeys shoes… who knows. I get some enjoyment from SpongeBob. It actually reminds me of me sometimes. Somes days I feel like Sqidward, some days Patrick… rarely do I feel SpongeBobish but, sometimes.
    You might try it out and see what fun you can have over there. I personally like Oswald and Max and Ruby too. I know, I am a big nerd.

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  4. No seriously Yo Gabba Gabba would be coherent if I was high, I am sure of it. Because it is whacked out in a big way. And it is solely responsible for at least two totally fear-induced freakout meltdowns for Addy – she just can not get into vegetables begging to be eaten (although she does a cute “There’s a party in my tummy, so yummy, so yummy” rendition) and what is up with the “Dont bite your firends” song?!?! And the “yo, break it down”. It is like being in the 80s but high. Mmm – good tv! ha.

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  5. Happy Mother’s Day! And you are not making me look forward to children’s programing…

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  6. Just have to add a bit about Dora and our household dislike of her. She, too, seems to YELL everything. Even the twins notice it when she comes on out at Grandma’s orelsewhere and they back away from the T.V.

    So glad we don’t have T.V., except for DIY and Food Network. I can live without it if it means not screaming kids (animated or not) besides my own brood, no depressing news casts 24/7, etc.

    Funny how we ended up no T.V. We moved into our house and just never got around to getting it hooked up/turned on/whatever it is you have to do. I would like to see the Olympics, State of the Union, above mentioned networks, and other odds and ends of fluff (Westminster Dog show and Charlie Brown Christmas.) I fully admit we are not normal, though, and during these programs we tend to find ourselves at one of our parent’s houses or listening to AM radio for the speech.

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