How are Blue Barb and Phullabaloney Fill, and why haven’t they been on the blog lately?
Honestly, how they are doing is rather subjective, don’t you think? Especially considering the parties involved?
But still, there is a bit to be said on the subject. Mr. Fill, for instance. He has been feeling somewhat dejected, rejected, nay, unemployed.
Having always fancied himself to be some kind of landed gentry bloke, he was quite happy when he first heard we would be moving hearth and home out to . . . well . . . land. Actually, he was downright giddy. He didn’t even swear for about a week solid. When we actually got him here he liked nothing more than to stroll around the “grounds” and utter British-sounding exclamations of joy.
At one point I caught him online doing landscape research. You see, we don’t have a hedge maze.
But it wasn’t long before he became sullen, and the salty language resumed. Land is nice, you see, but it isn’t a purpose. It isn’t a raison d’etre. With his uncannily accurate ability to predict things not being called upon for several weeks in a row, he became depressed. Depressed to the point that he even stopped walking off maze paths in the lawn.
Blue Barb, on the other hand, has mostly remained scarce. We have not complained, naturally.
She did come out, of course, to do her celebrity endorsement for United Airlines, but other than that she seems to have mostly been pouting in corners. She could care less about the land or the move, but I think she was a bit put out that her endorsement did not garner her the international acclaim and recognition she feels she so richly deserves. As much as I try to avoid her, I have been keeping a closer eye on her whereabouts, lest she try to venture out and join forces with Chucky. It just wouldn’t be right. She would only be using him for his celebrity.
Anyway, in a stroke of brilliance inspired by ten and a half years of being a parent, I told Mr. Fill and Barb to just go outside and play. See? Brilliant.
Not so much.
Is it so humiliating to have to go break up a cage fight between two play things.
After explaining to them the difference between tomatoes and cages and fighting and cages, they left my garden to find some new diversion. Or so I thought. As it turns out, they only moved their operation to a somewhat more appropriate venue:
I wonder if we should up our homeowners’ insurance?
And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt says to place your bets now.