10. Take a shower and get ready for the day so that you can take the kids to the library after the call is over but before you meet with your attorney.
9. Make all the gets get ready so they are able to be whisked to the library and/or the courthouse on a moment’s notice.
8. Talk to your mother on the phone about the fact that your ex-sister-in-law called your brother while he is on his honeymoon with his new wife. (And, for the record, the new wife has nothing to do with why your ex-sister-in-law is your ex-sister-in-law. In fact, had they known the new wife prior to the divorce, your brother would have never hit on her, but your ex-sister-in-law probably would have).
7. Talk to your husband on the phone about the fact that the call from the person you wish wasn’t involved in your life to begin with hasn’t called yet.
6. Explain to the five-year-old that when she asked if she could open the garage door and you said no, you meant no door opening. Just because she left the big door closed and opened the small, side door so that she and her 3.5-year-old brother could push their bikes out that way, does not mean she gets off on a technicality.
5. Play with the baby.
4. Check e-mail compulsively.
3. Dance around to the Shrek soundtrack with your kids for a bit and totally crack up because the baby is well on his way to having the dancing skills of Napoleon Dynamite.
2. Put the baby down for his nap.
1. Blog until it hits you that you could just call the person you wish wasn’t involved in your life to begin with and get it over with.
And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt is dialing.