Five Things I Learned Today

1.  My husband wants to buy a horse.  Really.  He found one.  The price is good (I guess?).  The kids are on his side.  Surprise!  I would rather buy a new mattress (or two) (see previous post).  With a new mattress (or two) we will sleep better and not have to deal with manure.  Why do I always have to be the bad guy?

2.  Apparently, since there isn’t a lot to do around here? people swing.  And I’m not talking playground stuff.  I don’t know how many people do it, and I don’t know who the people are.  Heck, I don’t even know how accurate the information is.  It is just what we’ve been told.  Who woulda thunk it?  I mean, sheep, sure, but swinging?

3.  My husband just pointed out to me that there are no sheep around here, hence the alleged swinging.  (vomiting in my mouth a little over this whole topic)

4.  If a five-year-old is hurrying to get her swimsuit off to go potty, but isn’t “concentrating” then, “Kaboom! the pee [comes] out!” onto the floor.

5.  If your ten-year-old daughter comes up for lunch, sees two strawberries on her plate, and starts crying about how she should have stayed downstairs because her day was finally getting better down there, don’t tell her that when she is finished with lunch she can just spend the rest of the day in the basement which makes her so happy.  If you do, she’ll bawl about how this is why she never shares her feelings and fears with you, because she knows you’ll just get mad.  Hello?!?!  You. are. ten.  Not. thirteen.  I’m seeing training bras and maxi pads in my near future.  And those who actually know her are surely shocked to hear there is something she allegedly doesn’t talk about.  (But her feelings are totally legitimate — she is lonely and this move has been hard on her — amen, kiddo, amen).

And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt says hello.

18 thoughts on “Five Things I Learned Today

  1. A horse? A HORSE?! Seriously. Compromise – get him a fish and you get your mattress and everyone gets something. Isn’t that what you do with the kids – get them a fish? 🙂 I mean, a horse?! Geez.

    Swingers – yeah, I’ve heard that there’s quite an acrive swinger’s community about 10 miles north of where we live, too. Creepy, really. Who does that? And how does one make this decision? Do you just decide one day that you’d like to give swinging a try and say to your spouse, “So, hon, how do you feel about giving the neighbors a go?” I mean, how do you go from “normal” to swinging? It’s such a crazy concept to me.

    Going to bed….

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  2. Swinging…thankfully that hasn’t swept this way. (shudder)

    You completely, absolutely, positively want to be sure that the horse is a good idea before doing it. My favorite memory of my sister’s horse was when the parents were out of town and the horse somehow ate a whole bale of alfalfa or something of that nature. Guess who the only person over the age of 18 was that got to HOLD THE HORSE STILL while the vet put on a glove TO HIS SHOULDER to dig the poor constipated horse free!!!! Blech, ewe, yuck, and ewe some more. Then think about the vet bills, a trailer and a vehicle equiped to pull it, tack, taking care of the thing in the winter, etc. etc. etc. And who could forget when the other horse we had spooked while my dad was leading it and it head butted him. I think dad still feels the pain from the damage done to his cheek. His eye swelled shut for about a week, ER bills, etc.

    I have nothing against horses, honestly, but I’ve experience the fact that it isn’t all rides in the field and apple snacks.

    The bed thing stinks. We have a king, he’s a furnace when he sleeps and if we are close or under the same blankets I roast to death. Plus, co-sleeping made it nice. We built our bedroom for a king bed and there is no going back 🙂 Mattresses though I’m about ready to throw the towel in on so let me know what you find out. We got the memory foam and he loves it. It’s okay for me, I do get sore though like you said your husband does if I sleep longer than about 6 or 7 hours. I never thought of two twins, that will likely be our next purchase. The dog hates the current one and now sleeps on a pillow…spoiled rotten little thing. She is as bad as the kids, won’t sleep in their own beds!

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  3. HA!
    1) Tony wants one too. I don’t envy you – at least we are saved by our environs!
    2) & 3) WOW. really wow. And I could have lived a lifetime without the sheep image so thanks for that. Have you seen Swingtown yet? If not, you can watch it online if you are so inclined. Now I will think of your little town every week while I indulge!!
    4) be there, for sure. Well not me, but with my kids. Well, maybe me too. ha.
    5) Funny read, probably not so funny in real life huh? Oh the FEELINGS, they are so LARGE!!!! It kills me when my kids talk about their difficult lives. At least she has an excuse for a little while longer (the move) 🙂

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  4. Oh and about the bed – go with the King. it is so very very awesome. I will never be able to sleep in a queen again. I would go with a king over a horse ANY day. Then again I call my pillow “faux husband” because it is sooo comfy and all I need on a long night (that would be sleep, my friends, not sex). tony LOVES that.

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  5. Colleen

    McH, I was totally on your side with great Lexus debate of 2007, but a horse??? They are stinky and a lot of work… can’t you just rent one? Do they rent horses? If you get a horse, he will inevitably be lonely and then you will need another. Imagine all of their horse poo on the lawn. Not to mention all the baby horses they will make. What if they want to join the swingers club? Next thing you know you will have all sorts of horses doing all sorts of crazy horse acts outside your bedroom window and you won’t even have a comfy mattress to keep your mind off things. Maybe get a sheep instead. Then you can weave some nice bedding for your new mattress.

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  6. Swinging? In YOUR town? I’m shocked. Radiator Springs has a much darker underbelly than one would think!

    I’m with Nicki on the topic of the king size bed. SO. VERY. AWESOME.

    G

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  7. Nancy

    I always wanted a horse as a kid but we didn’t live in the country. If you get one can I ride it? Of course my bones would probably break into pieces.

    YIf you get ahorse you will be the favorite aunt and uncle, and when all the cousins come to play then A~ will have company and won’t be lonely and moody and your life will get better. Right?

    Definitely go with the king bed. Buy it with the money McH saves by putting up a steel building instead of his original plan.

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  8. rainbowmom

    Have fun with that horse! I personally can think of better ways to spend an ‘extra’ $200 a month, but to each his own. Who knows, it may bring your daughter out of the basement with a smile on her face.

    And you are killing me! Swinging! hahaha Maybe that’s why the strangeness at the book club.

    My oldest daughter started the mood thing at about 9-10…it has never stopped.

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  9. Hahaha, you once mentioned McH being on the short side…maybe you could comprimise and surprise him with a pony!! BWAHAHAHA!!! Nothin’ sexier than a grown man on a pony – then you won’t even need the matress because the floor, the couch, the table, or whatever will be just fine. Sorry, that was PG13, but I couldn’t help myself! Thought about bumping it up to rated R with a “riding” analogy, but I showed some self-restraint…the kind of thing you won’t be able to do if your husband rolls up on a pony!

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  10. McH

    Laurie,

    That is just mean. I am not that short…..there have been no munchkins knocking at my door asking me to join their guild, I am able to ride all the rides at the amusement park because I exceed all of the “you must be at least this tall” marks. Though it is funny you mention pony the horse I found for the kids is only about 2″ taller than the maximum height for a pony and sadly that is about how much I beat some of those “you must be at least this tall” marks.

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  11. Lilola

    McH – my suggestion is that you find someone with a horse and volunteer to muck out the stable there for a month. Do all the work, even what you think you will pass to the kids and then decide if it will be as much fun as you think it will. Or were you planning to board it somewhere else and PAY someone to do all that work? Just a thought!

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  12. McH

    For those of you who have the impression a horse is a new/novel idea for me may not realize that I had 3 horses while in High School, mine was an Arabian, my brother had a Quarterhorse and my sisters had an Arabian. We had these horses for a couple of years until they were used as payment for my parents divorce. The lousy unscrupulous attorney took the horses and then that weekend got arrested and disbarred for driving down the highway naked. I am just looking to reclaim some aspect of what I lost in my youth and provide that same enjoyment I experienced with my children.

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  13. Carissa

    Haha I am still laughing about the horse and the swinging – which as nieve as I am I though was just an old wives tale – apparently not!

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  14. Carissa

    Ok so I commented BEFORE I read all the comments and well now I will never get any sleep – McH I am so sorry but most of the laughter is over the horse v mattress debate – even though I want a horse as well a matress would win out for me!

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  15. I had a horse. Lots of pooh. Lots of pee (like the smell of amonia?) Too much work if you ask me. Vet bills. Hay/grain bills. 24/7 is what you’re talking about here. They don’t feed themselves. Now, the swinging part. Holy frijole. I honestly don’t know what to say to that. However, if you guys do get into swinging (peer pressure and all), you WILL need an extra mattress.

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