You read the title. you have been warned.
People, I have a full blown case of the blahs. I know this, because I am actually forcing myself to blog right now. Forcing! So very unusual for me.
And? I am wondering why I am bothering. I mean, why force myself to blog of all things, right? Why not force myself to go scrub the toilets that really probably need it? Or force myself to start school with Midge so that we can stay on track to have her done by the end of April? You know? But instead I’m forcing myself to write.
Anyway, the blahs. I’ve been fighting them for a few weeks now. I don’t know what’s up. Usually I can trace it back to hormones, and after a few days I’m good. I’m thinking maybe the fact that I’ve been weaning myself off of the diet Dr. Pepper (again) has something to do with it also. But I think the real problem is that March is the One Year Anniversary.
It’s the One Year Anniversary of the month of back surgery, a trip to Vietnam, the start of a new job, the purchase of a new house. All in one month. Or maybe the back surgery was late February. I need to go back and check . . . Nope, I was right: March.
Anyway, last March was rather busy. Admittedly, the Vietnam trip finally happening was . . . well . . . that was a long time coming, wasn’t it? So getting our son was a good thing, but it was a Big Thing that happened to finally happen in the midst of many Big Things (which are arguably good or not, depending on who you talk to). And then? We moved (in April).
And this all happened a year ago, so why should it be bothering me now? But I think this is why I have an unshakable case of the blahs. It is the One Year Anniversary of utter chaos. It is the One Year Anniversary of making the decisions that quickly thereafter lead to dragging my kids up to the middle of nowhere, dragging myself up to the middle of nowhere. And the oldest two children and I? Aren’t so much enamored with being in the middle of nowhere. I mean, there are things about it we really like; but those things don’t exactly balance out the things we miss.
And then, there is Another Thing, about which I cannot blog. It has been hanging over me since shortly after we moved. There is nothing I can do about it. It just is what it is, and hopefully it won’t ever become more, probably won’t ever become more, but it could; so it just kind of adds weight to the One Year Anniversary of Utter Chaos.
But telling you about my case of the blahs and why I think I’ve got them isn’t really a cry for sympathy (because my life really isn’t so horrible, and I don’t need lots of sympathy, though I do probably need a good cry), it’s just to set the stage for what I’m about to tell you next:
Yesterday, at church (See? I’m working in some Mormon stuff, but not really anything doctrinal), the Branch President asked me if I’d speak in church in a couple of weeks. (Umm . . . that last time I was supposed to speak in church that I told you about? Long story, but I wound up not speaking then, so they’re after me again). Anyway, he said they have a very particular topic for that specific week, and they really wanted me to address it.
I immediately wondered which of my flaws is so very glaring that they particularly want me to spend time researching and pondering it. Not that they only ask people to speak on topics that might help them grow a bit, but it has been known to happen.
Anyway, the topic for the week I am speaking is: Staying Positive.
My specific assignment is to talk about: How staying positive will strengthen us during times of adversity.
Ha! He must have seen me trying not to cry through most of Sacrament Meeting yesterday. All I can say is, thank goodness for hymns. You know what I mean? If you start tearing up during a hymn nobody thinks anything is really wrong, they just think you are moved by the music.
So, how can staying positive strengthen us during times of adversity, and how do we stay positive during times of adversity? I’ve been pondering these questions in my mind since yesterday (though I haven’t actually taken the time to delve into the scriptures about it all yet), and as I’ve been thinking about it, I keep coming back to my blog. I mean, not in a literal sense, but, you know, just coming back to my blog in my mind.
I started this blog in an attempt to make myself focus on the positive, humorous things in my life. It was an attempt to distract myself from the very difficult things that were going on at that time. It helped immensely, and in so many ways. All of you who have left comments and sent emails over the past few years have helped in so many ways.
But do I want to bring up my blogging experiences in a church talk? You know what I’m saying? First, it just doesn’t seem . . . churchy. Second, I haven’t exactly been passing out my blog URL to the people at church. I didn’t even share my blog with any friends back home until I was moving. I have always been a very guarded person, and having my blog as a safe, somewhat anonymous place to go is rather nice. The more IRL people who read, the more I feel like I have to edit myself (though I’m not saying I want the IRL people who have found my blog to stop reading, because so far you haven’t sent me any chastising hate mail, so I like you). And, though I really like the people we go to church with here in the boonies, I’m not sure how they’d feel about me calling their home the boonies. Plus, some of them blog, and have even given me their blog addresses so that I can read and comment, but I never comment because they don’t allow anonymous comments and I don’t know that I want my comment linking back to my blog because I just don’t know that I’m ready to share this part of me.
Sure, I’ll have 22 of them in my house this Friday for a Strengthening Marriage class, and even talk openly about the importance of emotional AND physical intimacy in marriage (if it comes up, but the lesson is actually about communication, not intimacy); but let them read my blog?????? I don’t know . . . They’ll probably think I’m some sort of heathen or heretic and sew a scarlet B on all my clothes.
Do I make any sense at all?????
So, how do you stay positive during times of adversity, and how does doing so strengthen you? And, just as importantly, how many IRL (in real life) people have you shared your blog with? Are you a guarded person? Why or why not? Is it a good or bad thing?
And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt says hello, but he can’t discuss since newts don’t really talk.