The Top 10 Reasons to Buy Mohawk Meridian II Carpet

  1. When you sit down on the floor and then stand back up?  You will be covered (mysteriously head to toe, even!) in a warm, insulating layer of carpet fibers.  Perfect for the colder early march days when you have the carpet installed.  Still good for April, too.  And May and early June?  Well, it’s been a long spring, so the extra coat is still helpful.  Now that summer seems to finally be here?  Perfect for staying warm if you have one of those husbands who likes to freeze you out with the air conditioning (which, unfortunately, I do not).
  2. Each and every time you vacuum, you will have enough carpet fiber in your vacuum bag to stuff a new pillow!  With the economy being what it is and recycling being so in, what more could a domestic goddess want?
  3. Remember when you first saw a time lapse movie of a seed germinating and growing into a plant, back in seventh grade science class?  Remember the fascination of watching that grindingly slow process happen in mere seconds?  With Mohawk Meridian II carpet you get the exact same fascinating experience!  Vacuum once, and look!  Your carpet has aged a year!!!  Vacuum twice, and there goes another year!!!!!  Within two months your carpet will look as if it’s about ten years old!  Fascinating!  And fast!
  4. Carpet that is all unwound (or 20% if you want to go by the inspector’s report) is much softer than in-tact, fully wound, still-like-new-like-it-is carpet.  Seriously.
  5. You can brag insufferably to all your friends, relatives and neighbors that you bought the most expensive carpet available at your local Major Do-It-Yourself-Store (though you did not install the carpet yourself).  The fact that it ages faster than Dorian Gray’s portrait is just further evidence of your affluence.  “Oh yes, we bought the expensive stuff, which we will have to replace in two months.  We’re that rich.”
  6. The customer service folks at Mohawk are extremely friendly when explaining that the 90-day satisfaction guarantee only applies if you decide you don’t like the color of your new carpet and has actually nothing to do with whether or not the carpet is falling apart after two months.  Yes, very, very friendly (and informative!), those Mohawk people.
  7. Mohawk actually pays the carpet inspector to come out and see your wonderful carpet!  Some might say that is a conflict of interest and might sway the inspector to write something like “wearing due to improper maintenance” on his report; but really?  Doesn’t that just pale in comparison to the fact that they actually paid for the inspection for you?  Doesn’t it?  Those Mohawk folks are as generous as they are friendly.
  8. Not everybody can have carpet that looks like a poodle blowing its coat.  Now I know what you are thinking . . . “But Elaine, poodles don’t shed!”  and you would be right.  But those folks at Mohawk are just that amazing!  They had the vision to see what a shedding poodle would look like, and they achieved that very effect!  I don’t think it’s every carpet manufacturer that can do that.
  9. It is the perfect carpet for putting under your furniture because, as the friendly and informative customer service representative explained, that is just about the only place you can put it and still have it covered by the 25 year warranty.
  10.   We all know that living way out in the country makes it difficult to find opportunities for socialization; but if you buy Mohawk Meridian II carpet?  You’ll have plenty!  There will be the many calls to the retailer from whom you purchased it, talking to the retailer in person and taking them a carpet sample for testing, the visit from the carpet inspector, the conversations with the Mohawk people, more talking to the retailer and various managers in person . . . really, the socialization opportunities are endless!  Endless!  And so far?  Fruitless.  But that would be a reason not to buy Mohawk Meridian II carpet, and today we are talking about reasons why you should buy it.

And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt is in the pond trying to wash off the carpet fiber.

8 thoughts on “The Top 10 Reasons to Buy Mohawk Meridian II Carpet

  1. Now I’m all nervous about what carpet we had installed. But I guess we’ve been living on it for 2 months now & I haven’t noticed any ‘poodle shedding’ so maybe we’re okay…

    I’m glad you are making friends in the area though 😉

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  2. So? Do you want to borrow Shad? He’s a bulldog, I’m tellin’ ya…definitely NOT a shedding poodle! 🙂 He’d get them to not only replace your carpet, but to PAY you to put it in your house AND they’d end up begging you to let them come out and vacuum it twice a week! 🙂
    I’ve decided to hire him out..but I’ll let you borrow him for free! 🙂

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  3. Oh my, I am laughing, but really, I am so sorry that crap like this is being pulled on you guys. Love your posts like this, the dry sarcasm is just great and makes me laugh every time. Had to ask husband who Dorian Gray was, though, and of course he knew.

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  4. As always, you have such a way of telling a tale and you do crack me up. Sounds like they are banking on the idea that if they hem, haw, stall and make you jump through hoops long enough you will give up, which I hope you don’t. They sound beyond ridiculous!

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