My Dog Is On Dexatrim

So yesterday morning I followed the Newfoundland around and around the yard, just waiting for her to do what all living creatures seem to need to do in the morning.  When she finally assumed the appropriate squat position, I quickly slid one of those plastic containers (you know, the ones that are cheap, so you don’t care if you get them back when you take a meal in them to someone who has been sick or had a baby or whatever, but then the people bring them back, thereby making you feel heretofore unknown amounts of guilt because, people!  You listen to the commercials!  You know they are cheap and nobody is supposed to care if they get them back, so you yourself don’t take them back).

Yeah, one of those containers.

So I slid it under her and was truly amazed at just how fast it was being filled up. 

So I slid it back out from under her. 

Meanwhile, she was just kind of looking over her shoulder at me like, “You sad, sad human.  Why do you need dog pee?  Please don’t bathe in it.”  I then put the lid on the container, hosed the outside of the whole, sealed, thing off, and then slid it into a gallon sized Ziploc bag with double layers of plastic.  After washing my hands in a way that would rival the most pronounced case of OCD hand washing, I told the little people to get in the truck, we had to take dog urine to the veterinarian.

Yesterday was the day Midge and Tank Boy learned what the word urine means.

Fast forward to the near end of our veerrrrrrryyyyyy long wait for the urinalysis at the vet’s office, and a vet tech poked her head out from the back to ask if I would like my container back.

“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!” I said, wide-eyed and laughing.  “Throw it away.”

“Well,” she said, laughing back, “You would be amazed at how many people do want their containers back.”

Needless to say, I am now terrified of making any friends in this county because I don’t want to be invited to dinner.  Who knows who has been storing their frying bologna in dog pee collection receptacles?  Ewww.

Anyway,  it was worth all the wasteful, earth warming disposal of perfectly good plastic products, because they were able to analyze the dog’s urine and find . . . crystals!

I know, now you can all sleep tonight.

So the current theory is that she had some sort of urinary tract infection that is now cleared up due to the antibiotics, but in the meantime, before the infection was cleared up, the kidneys were not able to filter out, break down, whatever, the stuff they are supposed to filter out, break down, whatever, and so now she has lots and lots of crystals, which could turn to stones if they haven’t already.

She is on one medication to try to get rid of the crystals.

However, the veterinarian didn’t want to rule out straight up incontinence, so she also gave her Dexatrim.  I swear, that is what she said it is.  I mean, it is packaged differently, with some other name on it, but she said it is the same thing.  She said in dogs it helps tighten up the urethra.  I kid you not.

So I’ve got a dog on diet pills to help her stop wetting herself in her sleep.  Meanwhile, I’m eating premium mint M&Ms which are so good I can hardly control myself, but will undoubtedly cause me to gain weight.

The connection is loose, people, but it’s there.

Once all these pills are gone (I swear I need to get one of those plastic box thingys (there I go with plastic again) that have all those separate doors for pills for each day of the week and hour of the day) we just wait and see what happens (assuming the pills resolve the situation to begin with).

Yesterday was her first day (obviously) on this new regimen, and she woke up this morning dry.  Good grief, there is something I never thought I’d write about a dog.  “Ooo!  She woke up dry this morning!  Maybe this means she’s ready to start potty training . . . or, umm, just be allowed in the house again.”

Whatever.  She is currently asleep on the floor in front of our half bath and is puddle free.  Trust me, when you are talking about a Newfoundland (even though she’s only 88 lbs) that is a big thing.

I really hope this does the trick, because I’d rather not have to pay for x-rays and stone removal surgery (which is what the vet said would likely be next should the current drug cocktail fail) (no idea what happened to the hormone replacement theory – I guess the crystals shot that out of the water) (snort).

Okay, total stream of consciousness, but that reminds me of a story (the water part).  My brother’s ex-mother-in-law (what a peach), queen of the ill-turned phrase, really, really admired this mutual friend; so much so, in fact, that she said in all seriousness, “Some people are so great they walk on water, but he?  He makes water.”

Family gatherings that included her were always such a test of one’s ability to maintain composure, as she induced the rapid cycling of the conflicting desires to silence her for all eternity and laugh with uproarious and unsought-after mirth and glee.

Ahhh . . . all this from a little dog urine.

In other (brief) news:

A~ and L~ had a blast at horse camp, and if I hear the names Pongo and Biscuit one more time I may have to silence them for all eternity.  On the last day of camp all the riders competed in an obstacle course, and A~ took third place while L~ took second.  Not bad considering this is the first time they’ve spent any real time on and around horses.

The training wheels came off Tank Boy’s bike today.  Big stuff, big stuff.

Quinn is getting more and more chatty.  It doesn’t usually make any sense, but he is trying more, and he is talking more, so that is a good thing.

Today was the primary talent show at church.  A~ played the piano, L~ and Tank Boy sang a song (though, really, Tank Boy just stood behind L~ and hid the whole time), and Midge?  In true Midge form, she decided she would stand on her head while singing the Barney song.  And so she did.

That concludes the brief but important news.  Next time I won’t make you wade through so much other stuff to get to it. *snort*

10 thoughts on “My Dog Is On Dexatrim

  1. Christina

    I am v. impressed at your resourcefulness in getting that sample. Not sure I would have come up with that strategy. And dexatrim? Interesting side effect. Wonder if it works that way in humans too???


  2. metaphase

    Just sitting here laughing at the “make water” comment. I would have just burst out laughing and not even felt bad about it if I were in that situation…


  3. Really bummed you didn’t have a video…

    I’m also wondering if Dexatrim has the same side effects in humans. Maybe I could lose weight and finally stop peeing when I sneeze?


  4. I can just picture the look on your dog’s face as she looked over her shoulder at you while you, ahem, got the sample. Dogs can have some of the greatest looks sometimes. Thanks for the laugh today!


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