I Think I’ll Be a Cow Pimp

Ever since the economy has turned sour and McH’s company has been on shaky ground (I know it, and you know it, so let’s just get it all out there:  STUPID time to be buying horses!) we have been talking about coming up with a Plan B in case the job(s) go away.

For a while McH was trying to talk me into buying a house up the street as a rental property, and then maybe trying to buy more in the future.  Because, you know, that is just what I need – more houses to worry about.  So, a big no on the landlord plan.

The horses, obviously, aren’t any kind of income generator (unless we get a trailer and start renting Oscar out for birthday parties, which I have absolutely no plan to do), but are a huge income suck.  For instance, this morning I have been on Craig’s List trying to find an inexpensive horse blanket for Beat0.  Brand new those things run in the hundreds of dollars.  I’m trying to keep it around $50 or so.  Luckily Oscar came with a couple.

Anyway, as I was perusing the farm section of a Craig’s List town not quite near me, I came across this ad:

Naughty Pine Show Heifer


So first, let me just admit, I have no idea whatsoever what a cow has to do with wood, or, more specifically, pine.  As far as I can tell, this is actually a real, live cow, not some pine log that has been carved with a chainsaw and then painted to look like a cow.  Can we all agree that it is actually a cow?  Okay.  Good.

But aside from wondering what pine has to do with heifers, what has me really intrigued is that this girl is Naughty.  Not knotty, but naughty; and a show heifer to boot.  I’m thinking this must involve sequins and some kind of pole dancing.

I’m seeing a Plan B source of income.  We live out in the country, after all.  There are bound to be some farmers around here with bulls who need . . . entertainment and . . . companionship.

Well crap.  I just got the idea to do a search under “naughty pine cow” and it turns out that means it was sired by a bull named Naughty Pine who apparently is a big sperm donor in the bovine world.  It was all much, much funnier when I thought it was a big ol’ faux pas on Craig’s List .

The things you learn when you search the farm ads on Craig’s List.  And can I just say?  It is knowledge I can do without.

After spending upwards of an hour or more outside in the rain and wind last night because a certain horse decided he wasn’t in the mood to be friends with a certain other horse, I’m just not sure I’m liking my newfound hobby of perusing the farm section of online advertising.  No worries about the horses though.  McH was already “in town” when all hell broke loose so, while I was haltering and separating discordant horses (oh yeah, me in a muddy pasture with a gigantic horse that has been charging (but luckily not biting or kicking that I saw) another horse that was now running for it’s little life straight towards me – all kinds of fun) he bought three huge things of rope and divided our front pasture into two sections.  The horses, luckily, think it is electric fencing and are now very happy in their own sections.

And THANK GOODNESS!  Because I really don’t want to do that again.

I’d much rather be a cow pimp.

And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt is wondering when those barn builders are going to show up.

5 thoughts on “I Think I’ll Be a Cow Pimp

  1. mary johnson

    My husband was a cattle farmer for many years. It is a hard job that is 24/7.

    I love any horse, but when I saw your picture of the new horse, I actually did a google search on Oscar’s bred. Very interesting and beautiful!! It reminded me of the horses I rode when I was younger. She was a beautiful palomino pony.

    Have the girls see if there is a 4-H program in the county or school? They could possibly get into the Horse project. I really enjoyed 4-H. I learned a lot about horses and made some good friends.



  2. metaphase

    Tee-hee. Whoever named that sire Naughty Pine had a nice sense of humor. I am a little shocked you got another horse. Well, shocked and still a bit jealous.
    I think the 4-H idea is a good one. I know my cousins loved it.


  3. Christina

    First the bees and now herding horses in a rainstorm. Yep, you are a much stronger (possibly crazier?) woman than I. And thanks for giving me more reasons to say “No” when K~ starts in with the begging for a pony thing. 🙂


  4. Hmmm- I learn something new everyday. I don’t think I will ever need to know about buying cattle or steer or or heifers or anything farm related on Craig’s list but you never know!

    Oscar looks like a great addition to the family!


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