Do you ever feel like you are the only person in your household with even a millionth of an ounce of common sense about you? To the point that when you get out of the shower each day you are, unfortunately, pleasantly surprised that none of your progeny have: accidentally eaten off their own feet; inadvertently removed the foundation from beneath the house; or purposefully written and published a tedious volume of self-indulgent emo free verse during your short absence?
No? Just me, then?
Well, moving on . . .
Let what I am about to tell you be a cautionary tale to all who act out of ignorant pride and/or misguided filial devotion, for it is a sad tale, indeed. It is a tale of two horsies, a tale which, much like the fables of Aesop’s little critters, can be applied to the human experience because it has a moral, and the moral is this: don’t be an idiot just because the jerk in the next cubicle is. Or something like that. I suppose it could as easily be applied to jerky neighbors, or neighboring bathroom stall inhabitants, or whomever. You pick.
Anyway . . . Once upon a time (last month) two horsies were moved from their home in the country to a boarding stable in . . . a rural area of a more suburban area in a pleasantly though not overly populated town. It was/is a nice boarding stable run by good people who know a lot about horses and offer riding lessons to their boarders at ridiculously reduced rates.
The boarding stable was/is home to many horse, several ducks, a bunch of cats, three dogs, and a couple of the cutest pygmy goats God ever put on this earth.
Oh my word! My oldest daughter just told me she finds Spock oddly attractive. I told her that, yes, that is odd. I don’t know if I can focus on writing the rest of this post. Ack! Ack! Ack!
AHEM . . .
Also residing at this stable WAS a miniature horse of the stallion variety. The mini stallion pranced. The mini stallion postured. The mini stallion hated geldings and raised holy hell when our two horsies, both geldings, were placed in the pasture next to his.
The unhappy stallion whinnied and neighed and bucked. Despite the fact that both of his neighbor geldings could kill him with one kick, the mini stallion continued to challenge their presence.
The horsies weren’t happy with the mini stallion. Even though the mini stallion could do nothing to harm them in any way, the horsies let him get to them. They got tired of his noise. They got tired of his posturing. They got tired of his general jack-assedness.
And so, sometime early Memorial Day morning, the two horsies decided to go kick that mini stallion square in the face. Or, you know, somewhere.
Unfortunately, as prideful animals are wont to do, they forgot to stop and think their plan through.
So, as best as anyone can tell, they backed their butt ends towards the mini stallion and set about (either one at a time or both at once) trying to send their unruly neighbor to the moon. Unfortunately, between the two of them, they got three back legs tangled up in the electric wire fence that was separating their pasture from the mini’s pasture.
The mini, undoubtedly laughing a horsey laugh, was able to self-righteously prance away from the scene unscathed. Unfortunately, the other two horsies who couldn’t leave well enough alone even though their neighbor was 100% annoying and 0% harmful, were not so lucky.
The smaller of the two horsies wound up with several surface scratches that needed a bit of ointment and nothing else. But the big horsy? The big horsy is lucky to not be Mr. Dead.
His leg was sliced open clear to the bone. Two veterinarians examined the leg and determined the big horsy did not slice any major tendons or veins or anything else that would require that he be put down, and declared him rather lucky. They also declared him stall-bound for a very long time and completely rider free for much, much longer.
So remember boys and girls, just because you think the horsy next to you is a jerk doesn’t mean you should be stupid. And just because your brother decides to be stupid doesn’t mean you should help. Or something like that.
A special thanks to McH for catching these puke-tastic photos on one of the very few occasions his big horse has been out of the stall for the past month.
Also, a special thanks to the horse boarding folks (and no, they have no idea I blog) for taking such good care of our horse while he convalesces and for getting rid of the mini stallion.
And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt is staying away from electric fences.