I Sincerely, Honestly, Positively Swear That I am Not Even Making This Up

And that post title?  Is not hyperbole. Nor is it irony.  I really am not making this up.

So, I’m home for a week-long visit in Cooterville.  I mean, the kids and I are staying withy my parents in Cooterville, but we’re visiting all around the area since we lived roughly 30 minutes south of here before we became gypsies.

Is that politically incorrect?  To refer to ourselves as gypsies since we’ve moved twice in the past two years?  I don’t know.  Figure it’s better than calling us migrant workers, though, technically, we have migrated for work.

Whatever.

The point is, we’re in Cooterville.  As you may or may not remember, there was a friendly kerfuffle on my blog some time back about the meaning of the root word for the name of my home town (Cooter).  I supposed the kerfuffle wasn’t actually on my blog.  I guess I was the only one who was really kerfuffled, because people!  I had no idea.  Honestly.  I just thought it referred to that friend/cousin/mechanic/whatever-he-was guy on The Dukes of Hazard.  Remember him?  Cooter?

If you don’t remember that episode on my blog, or if you are new to my blog and, like I was, are completely unaware of the other meaning for the term “cooter,” then you need to go read the first ten or so comments on this post, and then read this post.

Okay.  Done? 

Seriously, you must understand what the word means to some (many), or what I am about to tell you will not have the same impact.

Today, as I was driving down a street in Cooterville, there was a pickup truck in front of me (I think it was a pickup, though now I wouldn’t swear to in a court of law, because, people!   I was so distracted by the bumper sticker) that was sporting a bumper sticker which read, “I V@gin@s.”

So in case it doesn’t come out right on the blog post, the little < 3 thing means “heart,” but it’s supposed to make a heart graphic, not spell out the word.  And if you can’t figure out why I used @ twice in that last bumper sticker word, then please go away.  You probably also think the word “yanks*” needs an apostrophe even when you’re using it in the plural rather than the possessive form.

And that last paragraph just ruins the impact of the whole paragraph above it.

Anyway, seriously??????  Who puts a bumper sticker like that on their vehicle?  Is there some other meaning for that word of which I am unaware?  Is there some larger cultural joke at play here?  Or have the Cootervillians** just started taking the whole thing a little too seriously?

And George, since you’re out there somewhere, Tewt the Newt would like you to start checking your darn Facebook messages.

*As in “Yankees” (you know, northerners).
**Cooterville is not the real name of the town, just what I call it on the blog.  But people!  I’m not even joking when I say I’ve seen houses in this town that have the rebel flag hanging in place of curtains.  If Bo and Luke Duke were going to leave Kentucky, they would settle here.  Actually, I think maybe they already have.

13 thoughts on “I Sincerely, Honestly, Positively Swear That I am Not Even Making This Up

  1. Well, as much as I’d like to think that perhaps the driver was an OB-GYN, or a politically aware person protesting female genital mutilation in Africa…it was probably just a dude who really, really likes, um, cooters.

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  2. If you were that distracted, did you possibly miss the gender of the driver? It could have been a woman who thought rainbows were a little too, um, feminine. Heck, it could have been an ex-relative.

    Not that I care one way or the other how people shorten the names of their sports teams but could it be possible that you are overly distracted by that “s” at the end? I mean, you use an apostrophe to shorten other words: don’t, can’t, y’all. The apostrophe is going in place of the “ee” in Yankees, so I could see a legitimate argue for its usage.

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  3. Even if it had been a woman, that doesn’t make it any less tacky.

    And the whole “yanks” thing was a reference to a comment left on one of the previous cooter posts in which some random guy who found my blog because he was searching for the words to the “cooler slushing” song called me and other commenters “dumb @ss yank’s” because he thought we were berating country music or something.

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  4. Bwaha! I love Lawmommy’s comment. It made me laugh almost as much as the post itself. And, I do not think you’re out of the loop on a different meaning to that word. I believe it is probably one of those words with one, unmistakable meaning.
    I also have to tell you that I am more afraid of making a typo on your blog than on anyone else’s. (I’m pretty sure that apostrohe belongs there. :))

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  5. Do ya’ll have the dudes who drive the picky up trucks sporting the big hairy b@lls from the hitch in the back? Because a pair of those swinging in the wind would have complimented that bumper sticker perfectly.

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  6. Oh. my. word. Just when you think you’ve seen everything… I am no expert, but no, no other meaning I can think of in that scenario. Classy, dude, classy.

    (Yeah, I say no apostrophe on yanks there. If there is anything that has frightened the daylights out of me lately, it’s the heinous writing I am seeing more and more of every day – especially in places that should be relatively decent. Oh, wait, I’ve seen a lot of frightening things lately. Ok, frightening things in terms of on the Internet in places where one should not expect to see frightening things.)

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  7. Christina

    Oh wow. I just never cease to be amazed by what people will put on their cars. I mean, really? That’s the first impression the driver wants to give people? And does he have a girlfriend? Because if so, she really needs to dump him. Not like you’d have that kind of information, I’m just sayin’. (and yes, I did just use an apostrophe instead of a g. I’m a rebel like that.)

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  8. Like Nicki, I’ve seen the trucks with the tacky balls hanging from the hitch. In fact, when I was navigating the waters of single-hood a few years back I had a guy proudly show me his truck with the balls hanging from the hitch. Needless to say, he did not get a date with me.

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  9. You are cracking me up! I knew what you meant, so no worries. 🙂 Plus? Have you seen all the typos and usage errors on my blog????? I’m horrible at editing my own stuff; and I really don’t read other people’s comments with a critical eye. It’s just that when someone leaves a comment calling me dumb I expect them to do it intelligently.

    And Nicki and Kwenmama, yes! I’ve seen those, too. Oh. my. word! It would have been perfect (in an awful, horrible way) if those things had been hanging from the bumper sticker truck.

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  10. Ever heard the song that goes, “God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy!”? That’s what I think of every time I hear a story like this. What in the World do people think?! It’s one of those things that’s so awful it’s almost funny…

    And, the Duke’s were from Kentucky? I always thought they were from Georgia. Ah well…..

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