Dear Birthday Present Faeries,

I know what I want for my birthday.  These:

image And no, I don’t want them because they are a licensed collectors item from that paragon of 1980s culture, Ghost Busters.  I want them because, are you ready for this??????

They are caffeinated!

Oh yes, caffeinated marshmallows.

I realize a Mormon woman wanting caffeinated marshmallows is pretty much the equivalent of an Amish woman wanting shiny buttons, but what can I say?  Sin on, sister!  Sin on.

I have been caffeine free for I don’t know how long.  A couple of weeks, anyway.  Most of the time I’m just fine with it, but sometimes?  Sometimes I just want a fix to help get me through the day.

I know I could go get some regular Dr. Pepper and avoid all the aspartame that way, but I just can’t.  All that syrupy sugar just makes me feel icky.

But sugar in the form of marshamallowy goodness? That is something I can do.  Actually, I’d rather not admit just how often I do indulge in sugary, corn syrupy, marshmallowy goodness.  Mmmm . . .

And can you just imagine toasted, caffeinated blobs of yumminess with a dark chocolate bar?  Oh my word!  I think that’s the happiest thought I’ve had all day. 

I feel a little dirty now.

I don’t want to become addicted to caffeine again, I just want something to help get me through next month and all the Official Oldness that will be going on.  And stuff.  Since booze isn’t an option (that would be like an Amish woman getting shiny buttons and a lacy, leather bustier!) I see no harm in a box full of caffeinated, toastable goo.  Mmmm . . .

Speaking of oldness, as I was sitting in my Dr.’s office waiting room for an ungodly amount of time yesterday (because I need more hormones, and they are working that well) the older guy who was also in the waiting room struck up a conversation with me.  There were actually about five other people in the waiting room but they all (and I am not making this up) went out for a smoke, leaving just the two of us.

Anyway, older man started talking about how loooooong the wait always is in this office (no crap) and how people have other things to do, and I said something about having five kids at home and being glad my oldest is now old enough to baby sit, and he said, “Five kids?  There’s no way you’re old enough to have five kids!”

*God bless you, older man!*

And I, because apparently old age makes me over share with strangers in waiting rooms, said, “Oh, I’m going to be 40 next month.”

What the hell?  I’m supposed to be lying about my age at this point, right?

Anyway, so then he was all, “Seriously?  Then, gosh, your oldest must be, what?  Eighteen?  Twenty?”

And I was all, “Yeah, no.  She’s going to be thirteen soon.”

So he was all, “Oh, you got a late start then, huh?”


Thanks, dude.  Way to make me feel older.  I was barely 27 when my first daughter was born, and that is late?  What are you, Mormon or something?

No caffeinated marshmallows for older man, then.

And George, if you’re out there, Tewt the Newt would share with you.

3 thoughts on “Dear Birthday Present Faeries,

  1. Christina

    Oh see now Older Man was doing so well until that last part! I totally get that “no way are you old enough…” thing and it cracks me up because really what they mean is “who has 4 (or 5) kids anymore? Are you living in 1952?” But they don’t say that. Anyway, I appreciate the faux shock that I might be in my (extreme) upper 30’s.


  2. Ha – what a bizarre compliment-to-insult ratio going on there! And ew about the cigarettes. How…ironic? Those marshmallows are so bizarre. Must not let my caffeine-addicted 15 year old find out!


  3. I have never heard of caffeinated marshmallows. Wow, they’ll put it in anything! 🙂

    Last night one of my young women was telling me about a comment that one of the young men had made to her that, had she been the sensitive type, could have made her feel bad. Thankfully she was just laughing it off. I spouted off to all the girls that teenage boys brains are still developing and so they are, most of the time, quite stupid in what they do and say. 😉 They all agreed with me.

    Looks like the older guy in the doctor’s office has shown that many don’t EVER develop???


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