I Have a New Facebook Friend

His name is George.

Tewt the Newt is happy.

And, by the way?  Dead.  Tewt the Newt has been dead for many, many years.  It was sad, really.

I don’t even know if George remembers Tewt the Newt, but we spent a hilarious Sunday afternoon in my parents’ basement making up ridiculous stories about my little brother’s newt, who he (my brother) had named Tewt.

“Toot?” my family asked when he first decided on the name for the little lizard-like thing.

“No, Tewt,” he said.  I think he was maybe seven at the time.  I don’t remember exactly.

So Tewt escaped his moist little tank home one night, and when my mother or brother (or whoever) finally found him, he was rather dried out.  But not completely.  So amphibian jerky Tewt was placed back in his moist little tank home and he rehydrated.  Maybe they should have added Gatorade to his water, though.  Because his little newt toes?  Didn’t make it.  He was a toeless newt for the remainder of his days.

I don’t remember how many days he remained.  I think he might have escaped more than once, though probably not after he lost his toes.

Anyway, George and I did not make up ridiculous stories about newt jerky and toeless, lizard-like amphibians.  That would have been cruel and insensitive.  No, we made up stories about Tewt the Newt in his zoot suit starring in the much admired but little acclaimed daytime drama, Doctors In Covenants (which will only make sense to Mormons who have experienced what I like to call Open Mic Sunday) while eating copious amounts of Oreos (but first, for whatever reason, we called out “Oreo!” like somebody on a daytime drama set might call out “makeup!”) (honestly, we’d just come from church and we don’t even use wine in our sacrament) (we were young and goofy, and oh how fun the young and goofy days were, no?).

And that, my faithful followers and friends, is the story of George and Tewt.


10 thoughts on “I Have a New Facebook Friend

  1. Christina

    Congratulations on finally connecting with long lost George!!! And I love that there was a real Tewt the Newt. I do hope he’ll keep saying hello though…


  2. Alas, Tewt died after his second escape from his moist little home. He didn’t really rehydrate fully from that escapade and his one little back thigh ended up stuck to the side of the bowl. A piece of flesh tore off and he succumbed to what I can only assume was some form of infection. Or shock. Or something. God rest his tiny soul.


  3. How wonderful you finally found George!

    Are you renaming the blog or can we submit names for long lost friends we’d like you to find? Cuz if I started a blog called Looking For Kathy everyone would think I was unoriginal. Plus now that you’ve found your long lost friend, you’re the expert 😉


  4. Okay…so I totally thought that the long lost George was a nickname for some guy friend of yours from high school and that Tewt the Newt was YOUR nickname from high school. I had no idea that Tewt was a real lizard-like creature! Poor little thing and his toes!

    So glad you finally connected with George on facebook. ARE you going to tell him about the blog?

    BTW, I had to tweak the tomato recipe a bit…make sure you copy the updated version. I would hate for you to try roasting tomatoes next year, have them burn, and then have you hate me for the rest of your life.


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