The Proof Is In The Pudding, Which I Can’t Eat

First, let me just say I’m not looking for pity.  My life, like anyone else’s, has had it’s ups and downs.  And really?  Overall?  I can’t complain.

I mean, sure, 2008 and 2009 were really, really sucky years.  2005 was also pretty stressful, and a lot of it spilled over into 2006.  Not a whole lot of good came out of 1994, and I wasn’t thrilled with 1995 that much either (though I did start dating my husband then, so it wasn’t all bad).  The second half of 1991 wasn’t great, and now that I’m really thinking about it, 1988 was rather miserable, and 1983 was a year I wish I could have skipped.  But other than that?  I really don’t have much to complain about.

And as far as my food sensitivities go?  This is obviously not the worst thing that could happen to anyone, so I’m not walking around all “Woe is me!  Woe is me!”

However, while knowing that a million worse things could be wrong makes it all less traumatic (because, really, it’s not traumatic), it doesn’t make it less frustrating.

So forgive me if I whine for just a minute.

I got my Official Packet from the lab.  Here are my test results (you can skip them if you don’t really care and go straight to the last paragraph or two where I talk about going to Orlando in a week):

 

test results

Yeah, I’m going to miss those lima beans.  NOT.

At first it didn’t seem all that bad to me.  I mean, I’ve been cutting foods out for a long time now, so what’s the big deal, right?

But then I also got the rotation part of the diet:

Rotation Diet

Look at the foods I can have on day one (I just rotate through this four-day cycle for about 6 months).  Let’s just focus on day one for a minute.  How many different recipes can you come up with using only day one foods.  Harrumph.  Last night?  I found one.  I found one, and I had to omit at least half the ingredients in it, and then?  Then I realized it called for olive oil, and olives are a day four food.  That’s when I went through each day and jotted down the oils I’ll be able to use.

Now, if I had to live off of all the ingredients listed in all four days and I could mix and match them as I see fit, I would have no problem, NO problem, with this.  But not being able to mix and match them?  Holy hell.

And I’m still not convinced that I can eat soy.  I need to do some investigating to see what other common denominators are in soy products.  I think I figured out the cashew problem, however.  The next time you’re looking at nuts (minds out of the gutter people), pick up a can or bag of cashews and look at the ingredients:  cashews, peanut oil.  Seriously.  So I need to find raw cashews and see how that works.

Anyway, I also was reading the ingredients in my multivitamin and realized I’m going to have to stop taking it because it has plant based ingredients like carrot and raspberry and other things that I’m not supposed to ingest on a daily basis.  I’m also going to have to quite my fish oil supplements because, no matter what fish they’re made out of, I can’t have any of them every day.  Maybe I’ll switch to krill oil?  I realize having anything everyday kind of defeats the purpose of the rotation concept, but since they didn’t test for krill and I’m not going to be eating it at all . . .

Geesh.

Anyway, in case you have nothing else going on in your life (riiiight), feel free to take on the challenge of developing or finding a recipe for me for one or more of those days.  I know I’ll come up with something for every day, but my fear is that I won’t be able to come up with more than one or two things for each day and it will all be . . . boring.  And nutritionally unbalanced.

Now for the fun stuff:  6 DAYS!  We leave for Orlando in six days!  Alas, as much as I’d like to stay there for a month, we are not made out of money and will only be there for a week.  So, as we sit here on day 6 of the countdown, I have:  three kids with a head cold, one puking, one with a headache and low-grade fever, and one with a chronic cough.  Yeah, that adds up to six, which means one of them has more than one thing going on.  Our hope is that they will all be better by the weekend.  Our plan is to go even if they aren’t.  They insist that we go even if they aren’t.  So then our hope is that we parental units don’t come down with it all the day before we are supposed to leave. 

Would it be inappropriate to just ask all my kids to lick my face right now?  Right now so that I can get it and be on the mend before we leave?

Tewt the Newt is looking for a healing spell.

8 thoughts on “The Proof Is In The Pudding, Which I Can’t Eat

  1. Yes, you’re right, there are worse things to deal with in life. However, that doesn’t mean that this food stuff does not royally stink. I would be miserable if I was facing what you are, and that rotation diet thing, ugh. I mean, for a week or so, sure, but six months? I’m trying to be supportive and helpful, but um, it’s probably not. Guess I’m just saying that I think you have every reason in the world to find it annoying and perhaps a bit depressing, though I hope after all is said and done you will be feeling much better.

    Speaking of feeling better, I hope everyone is healthy for your trip! Fingers crossed for you, cause it sounds like a fun time if you can get rid of all the ick!

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  2. Can not sleep so will play the game until my eyes get sleepy (and dream of warm, sunny days!)

    Day 1 no starch…ouch, they start off swinging below the belt with that one. Are you allowed any vinegars for making salad dressings? Food-wise all I am coming up with are a fruit salad. You could do breakfast plain, lunch could be drizzled with honey, and supper topped with cashew. All kidding aside: broiled fish with salad, the veal or lamb could be chopped and cooked in stock (veal or lamb, of course you might have to make your own) with some of the veggies and served over the black eyed peas (could also cook them in stock.) That is where I start to draw a blank, that is a tough list! I think Day 1 will be your hardest day.

    Day 2: Woo hoo! Millet (I am assuming this is whole berry or ground into flour), goat milk, cane sugar, yeast, etc. etc. You can do all sorts of things today 🙂 Fried or roasted (rub bird with oil and stuff with an apple or two quartered, some basil, and a cinnamon stick) Millet can be a porridge (like oatmeal and I am sure I have seen some German-like recipes where it is cooke with apples), can be made into a savory dish like a casserole, and I am betting you can search and find recipes for muffins or cakes that use your ingredients for the day. Tuna with avocado (on Millet bread?) Wonder if you could even make mayo for that day. I also remember seeing recipes for cauliflower cooked liked mashed potatoes (use goat milk ingredients of couse instead of cow milk/butter/etc.) Day 2 looks much better than 1!

    Day 3: I am assumong almond can also be almond flour and possibly almond milk if you can find it unsweetened. Also wondering if corn flour tortillas are all corn flour??? You might try some fruit on sweet potatos, sounds odd, but I love blueberries on sweet potato puree. Oh, also wondering about almond butter for this day. Day 3 is a bit tough.

    Day 4: marinate the summer squash and cucumbers in a bit of lemon juice and olive oil season with salt and pepper. Best if let set for a couple hours first. Pumpkins can be diced and cooked like you would a winter squash or potato. You might even be able to fashion a sort of rice pudding out of today’s ingredients. Just though, rice flour, walnut oil, and subflower oil all might be helpful. Sunflower oil is light and low on flavor like canola oil.

    So that did it, I am sleepy, wow do you ever had a small list. It’s only three months, though, and if that helps your body stop the problems I am supposing that is worth it. Just keep focusing on the end result and try to enjoy what you can.

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  3. I don’t understand how you CAN’T eat beef yet veal is ok? Am I missing something?
    Oh yummy. Day 1 you can have sardines and figs for dinner! Kidding, but at least the green pepper/tomato combo has potential for something. I hope you find something you enjoy!

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  4. You know I have no recipe ideas for you, right? I eat Reeses for breakfast and count that as my protein for the day. So all I can do is try to encourage you… I’m trying to think of something positive and uplifting to say… The only word coming to mind is CRAP. Is that at all uplifting?

    I think it’s awesome that you’re trying to be proactive about feeling better and getting healthy. I sure don’t think I could do this. I COULD, I guess. I should say I’m not sure I’d be willing to make such big changes. More power to you, honey!

    I don’t think Universal serves any of your approved foods, though.

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