Dear Midge and Tank Boy,
What part of, “You are not to play games that involve tying each other up any more!” did you not understand yesterday? The next time I find one of you tied to a post by your neck because you let the other one do it? I think I will just leave you there for a while (assuming, of course, that you aren’t choking to death, which you weren’t this morning when I had that heart attack, thank goodness).
Dear Land Appraiser,
What were you smoking? We’ve done just as much research into land prices around here as you did to come up with that number and, again, what were you smoking? We don’t want to cheat the sellers, but we also have this thing about being taken advantage of. At your prices, the horses can just stay where they are.
Dear Creators of Words With Friends,
Sure, it’s just a Scrabble knock off, but God bless you! I love Scrabble, but I love it even more when my butt doesn’t have to be glued to a chair at a table for hours and hours on end, and I can play with friends in different parts of the country, and I can take my turn at my own convenience. And did I mention that part about not having my butt glued to a chair at a table for hours and hours on end? God bless you!
Dear Steve Jobs,
If you’d freaking put Flash on the iPad I probably would have bought two by now. I really don’t want to buy one of the other ones. I really want an iPad. I have a Droid phone and an iPod Touch. I LOVE the iPod touch (except it doesn’t have Flash) and only like my Droid because it’s the first phone I’ve ever owned that I’ve been able to figure out how to text with, since it has a keyboard. What I’m saying is: I MUCH prefer all the iCrap to the competitors’ crap, but iCrap doesn’t have Flash and the Crap crap does. FIX THIS PLEASE.
Dear Apple Snobs,
Don’t leave me comments about the superiority of iStuff and Flash one day becoming obsolete and my lack of understanding of . . . whatever it is you think I don’t understand. For my purposes right now, I need Flash. End of story.
Invest in food storage. Now. Just do it, okay? Word on the “street” is that the LDS storehouses (at least the one in my area) are going to start limiting how much food they will sell to any one person/family. If that’s true, something is up.
Dear Freshmen Guidance Counselor at the High School Which My Child Will Attend,
For the love. Lose the porn ‘stache. You’re working with high school kids. It’s ookie.
Tewt the Newt thinks I should take the fun money and buy more wheat. After all, you can’t eat an iPad.