So for the past little (I won’t even say how long) while, I think I’ve just been enduring life. I need to enjoy it again. My family needs me to enjoy it again. I need something more in my life besides homeschooling and crazy church.
I mean, I love my kids. I LOVE them. Even though I am admittedly burning out (if not charred to a crisp) on the whole homeschooling thing after 13 years, I can’t stop now. Midge only has one year left at home before she’s off to high school. One year! (unless I come up with a better option than our local government school), and Tank Boy only has two years left. TWO! Can you even believe the Tank is starting seventh grade next week? Where has the time gone . . . Quinn and Spuds have five years left at home. Admittedly, that sounds long right now, but I can’t quit on them. So I will forge on with the homeschooling, but I need to find some joy in it again.
And church. As a Mormon woman, church has always played such a huge (or should I practice saying “yuge”?) (shudder) role in my life. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The gospel of Jesus Christ is true. I know it, I live it, I love it! But then there’s my ward . . . As they say, the gospel is perfect but some of the people are bat guano crazy. Okay, maybe that’s just me. I guess usually they say the gospel is perfect but the people aren’t. Nothing proves that with the same breadth and depth and profound sense of “Am I being punk’d?” as my congregation. After six years of attending the Twilight Zone First Ward, I need to step back a bit. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not leaving the church. I’m not even going inactive (though there are those who would love it if I did). I just need to focus some of my energy elsewhere to distract me from the things I can neither control nor change and the people who should be fictional but aren’t.* I may never find joy in my ward, but there is always great joy in the gospel. I need to focus on that.
*The blog fodder I have at my regular and constant disposal . . . you have no idea. But I won’t blog about crazy church in detail for many reasons. You’re probably thinking, “Yeah, if any of the people there find her blog, well, that would be awkward,” and you’d be partly right. Only partly. Honestly, I couldn’t be any meaner about them than they have been to me, but I could be funnier about it. Which actually might make it meaner, now that I think about it. Hmmmm . . . anyway, the main reason I won’t blog in detail about crazy church is because I don’t want to give people the wrong impression about my faith or my Faith. The gospel is true. The church, when it is run as it is supposed to be run, is a blessing beyond compare. I don’t want anyone to read my blog and say, “They can’t drink coffee or booze AND they behave that way? Maybe they behave that way BECAUSE they can’t drink coffee or booze?” My experiences here are not representative of the church as a whole, is what I’m saying.
So I go back to the original purpose of my blog, which I explained in this post just about ten years ago. Once again I find myself trying to bounce back from negative emotions and stress. I find myself needing to look for the joy in the simple things. I find myself looking for George (though I’ve actually found the real, literal George). Blogging was good for me and to me back then. I hope it will be again.
Now for a fun little story:
When I was a girl, my initials were ELB (as a married woman who took her husband’s last name, they actually still are, but that is not really germane to this anecdote). My parents used to joke that if I married a man named Oscar Williams, my initials would be ELBOW. They thought that was hilarious. I thought they’d lost their friggin minds. But today, as I was setting up a new Facebook account to go along with this blog and discovered I couldn’t use Looking for George as a Facebook name (they are not cooperative about such things over there at FB), I came up with a pen name. So if you want to connect with me via Mark Zuckerberg’s little college experiment, just search for Elle Beaux.
Tewt the Newt is curious to see how this blog adventure goes.